The Life That Is Mine

Throughout my adult life, I have often attempted to build the strongest of walls in order to keep people out. I have held up the barbed wire to prevent people from getting inside...even though it may be painful for me. I have recently been better as far as talking with those who I have learned to trust...but it is still difficult to completely let down my guard. I have spent years building up and reinforcing my walls. I venture outside those walls, however I quickly retreat back to "safety" when someone starts to get too close to my inner-most feelings, emotions and experiences. This is mainly the case with men. I have often numbed myself behind my walls prior to embarking on my journey beyond them. I have often thrown myself into the wild...wandering into those places that I know to be most dangerous...most hazardous....to those places where people...men...won't so much as attempt to get beyond my walls. It is time that I must begin to strengthen my mind and my self-esteem rather than my walls...rather than clutching that barbed wire...allowing it to wound my body so long as I try to tell myself that I am preventing others from further wounding my heart...my soul...even if I know I am doing the opposite.
It is now time to cautiously remove the barbed wire. It is time to strengthen my mind. It is critical...it is essential. I must better learn when and where my guard is and is not necessary. I must refuse to settle. I must attempt to see within myself those qualities and that potential that others see within me.