Monday, September 25, 2006
My Most Important Person
I made a mistake about a month ago and the consequence was a DUI and everything that goes along with that infraction. One of those things was the Driver Intervention Program where I have spent the last 72+ hours. Rather than being confined to a jail, we were confined to a hotel (and obviously prohibited from any drinking/drugs) and rather than being treated like criminals, we were treated like adults that had made a bad choice. Overall, I met a lot of really different, interesting, fun, and great people, I learned a lot about alcohol/drugs/dependency etc, and I learned a lot about myself.
One particular activity however, stands out from all of the others. It was the only time over the entire weekend that the entire feeling in the room changed dramatically.
Prior to this intense change, we had each been given a sheet of paper that asked: 'Out of all the people in the world who is the most important to you?' There was a space for their name followed by these contemplative questions:
1. How do you know this person?
2. How long have you known him/her?
3. What is the best experience that you have had with this person? Take a few sentences to describe this.
4. What is the most difficult time that you endured with this person? Describe in detail.
5. What was the worst argument/fight that you had with this person? Describe in detail.
6. Despite your differences, why have you continued to maintain a close relationship with the person? Describe in detail.
7. What sort of sacrifices would you make for this person?
8. What sort of sacrifices has this person made for you?
9. How has knowing this person impacted your life?
We had some time to fill them out and then each person shared his or her answers. Stories were told to faces of smiles and laughter. Heads nodded. Hands doodled. There was a consensual pleasure among the 16 of us in that room. After the final person had his turn, the group was dismissed for a 15-minute break to smoke, use the bathroom, etc. People talked and laughed all around me outside in the courtyard. After all, it was a beautiful day AND our leader/teacher promised that we would be done at 5 p.m., rather than the scheduled 9 p.m. so that everyone could at least see a good portion of the Ohio State game. When the allowed break time was up, we slowly refilled the room and took our seats. Once we were settled, another paper was passed out. It was part 2 of the exercise that we thought was complete. It was face down and was to be left that way until we were instructed to flip it over and begin after they had all been passed out.
"Okay, go ahead" is what I think that our instructor said. It was at this moment that I could instantly feel the mood, the vibe, and the feelings in the room more than I felt the pen in my own hand. The "class clowns" had no jokes and each individual's eyes and body language fiercely radiated his or her feelings about the activity. Some were filled with anger, some with sadness, some stunned, and some were simply blank as they had been completely caught off guard.
This sheet of paper read: Imagine that the person that you named on page 1 has been killed by a drunk driver. The driver lost control of his car. He was not injured. When arrested he tested positive for alcohol with a .091 blood alcohol level.
It was followed by 7 more questions:
1. How do you feel when you find that this person has been killed?
2. Describe in detail how your life will be different now that this person is gone.
3. Are there other people that will miss this person? If so, who and how will these people be affected? Describe in detail.
4. Most people agree that forgiveness is healthy. How will you be able to forgive the person that took his/her life away? Describe in detail.
5. How will you celebrate the memory of this person?
6. Would losing this person to a drunk driver make you change any of your own behaviors?
7. Would losing this person to a drunk driver make you more vocal about sober driving?
Upon completing my paper, it seemed as if it were an automatic reaction, like that of a hand from a hot stove, that my fingers shot towards the ceiling. Immediately, I asked if I could please go first. I knew this was going to be a tough one and I wanted to get it over with. I rarely show my emotions. I rarely cry. I rarely get nervous while talking in front of people I barely know. About 3 words into my response, my hands and voice began to shake. I didn't care. I felt the tears racing to the top of my eyes so they could then spill down my cheeks as I talked. I didn't care. I felt sick. The fine hairs on my arms were leaping for freedom. I continued all the way to the end with this shakiness…with these tears…with this nausea…with these chills. I had them all day. I am getting them now. This exercise made me really think…really feel.
Yes, I absolutely do have the right to drink. However, I have absolutely NO right to drink and then drive. None of us in this room were killers. Yet, anyone in that room could have been the one to kill 'My Most Important Person'. Likewise, I could have easily been the one who killed any of theirs. I will never be able to convince everyone not to drink and drive. Some people will never stop doing it. The only definite, absolute statement that I can make right now is that I will never again drink and drive. 2 drinks….10 drinks….doesn't matter. "I feel fine" doesn't matter. "I'm only 5 minutes from home" doesn't matter. "I drive better when I drink" does not fucking matter. You just never know what can happen in a split second. I will live the rest of my life confident that I will never be responsible for killing anyone's "most important person" while under the influence. I will also pray that the many important people around me are never victims of such an ignorant and selfish act.
I learned my lesson the hard way by getting a DUI. I learned my lesson the easy way in that all other drivers in my path that night remained safe. I am very grateful that something finally did smack me upside the head and screw up a lot of things for me in order to assure that it will never happen again. Because as much as it sickens me to say it…I know that I would have continued to drive in the future when I 'only had a few drinks' or 'felt fine'. For me personally, it will never be so much as an option in the future.
One particular activity however, stands out from all of the others. It was the only time over the entire weekend that the entire feeling in the room changed dramatically.
Prior to this intense change, we had each been given a sheet of paper that asked: 'Out of all the people in the world who is the most important to you?' There was a space for their name followed by these contemplative questions:
1. How do you know this person?
2. How long have you known him/her?
3. What is the best experience that you have had with this person? Take a few sentences to describe this.
4. What is the most difficult time that you endured with this person? Describe in detail.
5. What was the worst argument/fight that you had with this person? Describe in detail.
6. Despite your differences, why have you continued to maintain a close relationship with the person? Describe in detail.
7. What sort of sacrifices would you make for this person?
8. What sort of sacrifices has this person made for you?
9. How has knowing this person impacted your life?
We had some time to fill them out and then each person shared his or her answers. Stories were told to faces of smiles and laughter. Heads nodded. Hands doodled. There was a consensual pleasure among the 16 of us in that room. After the final person had his turn, the group was dismissed for a 15-minute break to smoke, use the bathroom, etc. People talked and laughed all around me outside in the courtyard. After all, it was a beautiful day AND our leader/teacher promised that we would be done at 5 p.m., rather than the scheduled 9 p.m. so that everyone could at least see a good portion of the Ohio State game. When the allowed break time was up, we slowly refilled the room and took our seats. Once we were settled, another paper was passed out. It was part 2 of the exercise that we thought was complete. It was face down and was to be left that way until we were instructed to flip it over and begin after they had all been passed out.
"Okay, go ahead" is what I think that our instructor said. It was at this moment that I could instantly feel the mood, the vibe, and the feelings in the room more than I felt the pen in my own hand. The "class clowns" had no jokes and each individual's eyes and body language fiercely radiated his or her feelings about the activity. Some were filled with anger, some with sadness, some stunned, and some were simply blank as they had been completely caught off guard.
This sheet of paper read: Imagine that the person that you named on page 1 has been killed by a drunk driver. The driver lost control of his car. He was not injured. When arrested he tested positive for alcohol with a .091 blood alcohol level.
It was followed by 7 more questions:
1. How do you feel when you find that this person has been killed?
2. Describe in detail how your life will be different now that this person is gone.
3. Are there other people that will miss this person? If so, who and how will these people be affected? Describe in detail.
4. Most people agree that forgiveness is healthy. How will you be able to forgive the person that took his/her life away? Describe in detail.
5. How will you celebrate the memory of this person?
6. Would losing this person to a drunk driver make you change any of your own behaviors?
7. Would losing this person to a drunk driver make you more vocal about sober driving?
Upon completing my paper, it seemed as if it were an automatic reaction, like that of a hand from a hot stove, that my fingers shot towards the ceiling. Immediately, I asked if I could please go first. I knew this was going to be a tough one and I wanted to get it over with. I rarely show my emotions. I rarely cry. I rarely get nervous while talking in front of people I barely know. About 3 words into my response, my hands and voice began to shake. I didn't care. I felt the tears racing to the top of my eyes so they could then spill down my cheeks as I talked. I didn't care. I felt sick. The fine hairs on my arms were leaping for freedom. I continued all the way to the end with this shakiness…with these tears…with this nausea…with these chills. I had them all day. I am getting them now. This exercise made me really think…really feel.
Yes, I absolutely do have the right to drink. However, I have absolutely NO right to drink and then drive. None of us in this room were killers. Yet, anyone in that room could have been the one to kill 'My Most Important Person'. Likewise, I could have easily been the one who killed any of theirs. I will never be able to convince everyone not to drink and drive. Some people will never stop doing it. The only definite, absolute statement that I can make right now is that I will never again drink and drive. 2 drinks….10 drinks….doesn't matter. "I feel fine" doesn't matter. "I'm only 5 minutes from home" doesn't matter. "I drive better when I drink" does not fucking matter. You just never know what can happen in a split second. I will live the rest of my life confident that I will never be responsible for killing anyone's "most important person" while under the influence. I will also pray that the many important people around me are never victims of such an ignorant and selfish act.
I learned my lesson the hard way by getting a DUI. I learned my lesson the easy way in that all other drivers in my path that night remained safe. I am very grateful that something finally did smack me upside the head and screw up a lot of things for me in order to assure that it will never happen again. Because as much as it sickens me to say it…I know that I would have continued to drive in the future when I 'only had a few drinks' or 'felt fine'. For me personally, it will never be so much as an option in the future.
# posted by JennAdelia @ 5:45 PM 
